JULY 22 | Friday | Sun into Leo
OKAY THEN!! This energy is here to test you hardcore. It wants to provoke you awake and to get you tempted to go low and be this older version of yourself. This is a heavy-duty test and it places you in alignment with others who are here to trigger you into making a change in your life. But if you blow your stack and totally go low vibe in how you express your anger or frustration over what limits you, then you just got to face that you did NOT need to do it how you did it, AND THEN see that you are on a new path and will be more patient with things that frazzle you.
I actually reached a new state of being over the past 2 years where now nothing at all registers in my body UNLESS it is something to do with danger to my animals. Then I flip out and can be EXTREMELY aggressive because my body starts acting like 911. Danger to my babies, like I have seen in my past, is the only thing that gets my body to even dip into other feelings.
As we get older, and face how much we fucked up in our past, BECAUSE we were fucked up by others -- and where we do our all to set things straight, we end up landing into this neutral point where a ticket or bill or threat of losing it all doesn’t even make you panic like you used to when you were younger.
I know many people have panic just at the thought of going into crowds and doing shopping. Many people have to sit in the car and prepare for going inside. I remember having times feeling that same way and feeling so awkward in public, thinking everyone was talking about me.
But the older I get, NONE of that even registers in me. I KNOW they aren’t talking about me or noticing me or thinking something is wrong with me, as MANY OF YOU DO when you are in public places. You think they notice all things negative about you, when really, they are just thinking about the argument with their partner and what they are going to make for dinner.
At times, our focus is so inward that we look out at all outward and think it somehow is saying something bad about us. The look from a stranger, we can interpret as them judging us and thinking we are less than. But really, they just made eye contact because you were there, but ultimately, they are thinking of the business meeting in 2 hours and how they need to do all these other things before they are good to go. Another person catches your eye and looks you up and down. To you, you may think they are laughing at what you look like and are thinking WHO EVEN goes out like that?? But in reality, they loved your look and looked you up and down because their eyes enjoyed you.
I remember when Moon Bear died and how it was the first time I couldn’t even smile while out in public. I couldn’t even get my face to go into upward smile. I was downward frown and so blue that it helped me understand why others sometimes can’t even smile too. I have always been such a smiler that I expect everyone to be. And her death opened my eyes to understanding those who don’t smile in a new way. Now I don’t take it personally when I smile and they just stay frozen in frown. Because I walked tragic death, I now am compassionate with those who look like they are in pain. Now, I smile to be medicine to their soul – but I don’t expect a thing.
So, if you feel changed but are hit by something that shows you still DO have far to go, accept this last “mistake of a move” to be when you really get how you want to treat people and how you want to be more patient with what feels like it is not your flow or the way you would go.